i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
