Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
