I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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