i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
