Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
