im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
