getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The struggles of a small town man whore
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
