New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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