He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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