I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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