There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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