the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
