I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
