Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
