i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
