Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
