I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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