I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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