where am i from again
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
