Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pappa wants mamma naked
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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