I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
