There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
