I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
