Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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