i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
