Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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