Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
