gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
