im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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