i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.