You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?