insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for