u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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