Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
