Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
