Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
