i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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