i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
