Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
