In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else