Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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There's always time for handjobs
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.