i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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