I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
