I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
