I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
