just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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