A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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