I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
