The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
