3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
