last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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