he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
