Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
