Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
