I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
