I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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