This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
