do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
