I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
