Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize