i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
