that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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