I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This baby is an asshole
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
