Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
