found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
