Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
