If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
