she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
